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Refined Dreams..,

Apr. 6th, 2004

02:12 pm - Unwell

All day staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something

Hold on
Feeling like I’m headed for a breakdown
And I don’t know why

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be...me

I’m talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they’ve all been talking about me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow I’ve lost my mind

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I’ve been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they’ll come to get me
Yeah, they’re taking me away

[chorus]

But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired
I know right now you don’t care
But soon enough you’re gonna think of me
And how I used to be

Yeah, how I used to be
How I used to be
Well, I’m just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
I’m just a little unwell

Music: Matchbox 20 - Unwell

Apr. 5th, 2004

12:34 am

Seems my aunts in the hospial..
She almost died because of complications with her ciklecell animea
or however....


I recived a call from my sister saying'what casilla's blood type"
Anyway that tipped me off

She needed a blood transfusion...

As if things couldnt be worse

Mood: crappycrappy

Apr. 2nd, 2004

04:37 pm

New Livejournal Layout

I was bored so I changed the background and layout
First time acually doing it by myself so im happy

http://www.livejournal.com/users/tearsofheven/

I think I'll start doing more because I wanna change some things tsill

Mar. 31st, 2004

03:31 pm - Drained

I spent the past two days staying in at home,
just wondering over things...

Seems school is cancelled for the next two weeks, so there goes my escape

I'm not up to bitching or ranting anymore, just vleh.

Random thoughts are passing through my head because im going to bed so late/early
9am doesnt work anymore people
I miss my cartoons, I miss my sci-fi channel
I think I'll head to dt this week drink by the bar and sulk
~yawns~
Sorries Dexters Laboratory is on I gtg

Mood: awakeawake
Music: Wumpscut - Soylent Green (Instrumental)

Mar. 26th, 2004

04:50 am - Please excuse the spelling..... ~all dreams to dust~

Just break my will
Don't fear my thoughts
You don't hear my words
Don't give me a reason
Drowned in my emotions
Struggling to survive
I find the truth
But I cannot hold on
I will bare
those secrets
But you don't care for such words
Frozen bewildered
And yet your not even near
A pawn for choosing
As a child I reamain..,

All dreams have turned
To dust...

Choosen troubles
By the layer covered
All thats weighing
Controls me
Was it you that called?
To set me free?
In just awhile
I will be used to nothing
Just break my will
Don't fear my thoughts
Just break my will
Don't fear my thoughts

Inflict your damage
Claim this heaven
And through this time
I will have died
Don't leave the blame
On decisions
Because those clouds have moved
We are..,
Imperfect useless souls
Within Naked boundries
Insights, feeble
I am expendable
All dreams have turned
To dust...

Mood: indescribableindescribable
Music: The Cure - Burn

Mar. 25th, 2004

07:25 pm

SOMEONE IM ME
IM BORED HYPER ALONE HOME
ON MY PC
TYPING
IN MY LJ SEGMIC THIGIE
I WANT
TO
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OYUT to manHATTAN
PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSse
I feel like im on crack ~CRIESS~ ^_^
IM JUMPING OFF WALLS HERE~
~falls over and twitches~
~Twitches~
~Twicthes~

~knocs the chair over and jumps up~~!!!!!
Ok
MANHATTAN IT IS
ALT CAFE HERE I COMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsss......






sssssss!

Mood: hyperhyper
Music: Prick - Into My ARmS

04:41 am - Made to the sound of a song.....But how I feel inside sadly enough dunno if i can call it mine....,

I've built my own prison..,
I sought to make amends
I don't know when
I'll begind to accept
That everyone has thier own fears
It's when I'll begin

These scars that keep me back..,
These cuts are so deep
Replaced from the pain they make
Struggled to keep today
But nothing apears as it seems

It's raining still,
I can't remember everything
Awake as the evening begins
And I'm running away
Untill it's passed from yesterday
Thrown out like trash on the street
I am pondering
What it takes to leave those dreams
Tattered and thrown outside
In the mirror pretending it's better
And I can't give in tonight...

I've lost my faith,
I can't leave this state..,
I've lost my faith,
I can't leave this place..,
I've lost my faith,
I can't leave this state
I've lost my faith,
How long will this take?


How long will this take?

I've lost my faith,
How long will this take?

Mood: determineddetermined
Music: Postal service

Mar. 24th, 2004

03:09 am - Taken fromnebel

1) Open up your music player.
2) Put your whole library on shuffle.
3) Write down the first 25 songs which play, no matter how embarrassing


1) Maroon 5 - Secret
2) Semisonic - Closing Time
3) Stabbing Westward - Dawn
4) Limpbizkit - Behind Blue eyes
5) Peter Murphy - Indigo Eyes
6) Thievery Corporation - The richest man in babylon
7) The postal Service - This place is a prison
8) Stabbing Westward - Waking up beside you (Accoustic)
9) Maroon5 - Sweetest goodbye
10) Lazlo Bane - I'm No Superman
11) Thievery Corporation - Omid (hope)
12) Kidney Thieves - Before I'm Dead
13) Haddaway - What Is Love
14) Diary Of Dreams - She (Demonic Mix)
15) Qntal - Jherusalem
16) Cake - I will survive
17) Lamb - Merge
18) Marilyn Manson - Seizure of Power
19) Lamb - Sweetheart
20) Eamon - Fuck It
21) Diary of Dreams - End(giftet)?
22) Splashdown - I understand
23) Softcell - Tainted Love
24) Pearl Jam - Last Kiss
25) Depeche Mode - Shake The Disease

Mood: thirstythirsty

Mar. 23rd, 2004

11:33 am

Trip hop is the way to go....

Mar. 22nd, 2004

08:16 pm

I feel shit sick today...

It all happened when I was supposed to meet christina on sat night to see dawn of the dead...
Anyway I went but she and no one was there....figures yet again
Sigh... so i was depressed and alone so I went in paid for the ticket for the 7:05 pm show
And watched.... I didnt expect that movie to cheer me up the way it did It's a good remake I admit
But it still isnt better than the original....
After I left I found 20 bucks woooo!
So i went and bought my very first Lamb cd (so happy)

So i spent the remainder of the night walking around figuring things out for my life,
what I've done...so far accomplished and still it's not much
What do i really have to offer to anyone?
crapshit

After stopping in alt cafe for coffee and some time inside out of the cold,
I just fell.., well almost
blacked out for a quick sec or two
So i left for home.... unsturdy
I didn't eat anything or sleep for the past 3 days before that. I should have but i didnt

why am I bothering to say anything here anyway? thats what im thinking now....may of you dont read it and if you do its ranting and raving in my opinion im allowed....this fucking time atleast

After going on the train i figured out the trains werent working to the bronx.... so i had to get off and wait in the rain for an hour and a half ...then a shuttle bus came
I got fed up at east 180th street and decided to walk the rest of the way home.... i couldnt stand being on the bus and people rubbing up against me anymore.....esp how they smelled
So about 45 or so blocks later and 2 hours i got home.... and my mom asks whats wrong I just though for a second
"should I even bother"..., no... so I went stripped and slept

Mood: sicksick
Music: John Mayer - Bigger Than My Body

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